Sobered up Monday

Yup. I saw it three times this weekend. Yup. Still love it. And Yup. I want to take Chris Weitz into the Den and do deliciously naughty things to him to show him my appreciation.

"Wow....ummmm...that's not what I had in mind when I said "roll it" but hey, who am I to judge? You go for it Mama. I'll just watch."

Of course, now that the high has abated, I did find a few nitpicky things I want to blog about, if only to get them off my chest so that I can go see the movie again tonight with my Unicorn at 8:30.

#1 - "Critical Reviews"

Dear Media-Type, "Professional" Movie Critics,

PLEASE STOP REVIEWING THIS MOVIE.

Now, I know your Ivy League educations and overinflated egos make it damned near impossible for you not to make your opinions known. But conversely, the audience this movie was made for does not give a fat rat's ass what you think about it. Your thoughts on the movie (which are more often than not, based more on how you will look to your movie reviewer peers than the wild concept that you may have actually read the books) mean as much to the Twilight fan base as Sarah Palin's thoughts on just about anything mean to the Republicans Democrats. So, do us all a favor, and go see 2012, Avatar, or Men who screw Watch Goats and write reviews on that. We don't need you and we will speak with our wallets. In fact, I think we already have. Let me give you a number you will understand. $250+ million worldwide in it's opening weekend. Review that you marionette butt monkeys!

"New Moon sucked. What is New Moon anyway? I think I ate Chinese there once. It gave me the trots so it must suck. Let's go with that."


#2 - The Frolicking

This appears to be the biggest complaint of the fandom. Alice's vision of Bella as a vamp was shared with Aro to placate him and make it possible for the trio to escape the Volturi chambers alive. I for one, was REALLY stoked and praying what we would see would be Bellaward embracing in the garden of their cottage while they both sparkled, all happily-ever-after like. Instead....we got the forest frolick.

"Dude...you run like a penguin." - Bella
"Yeah, well that dress makes you look like Laura Ingalls Wilder." - Edward

Yes, Chris. You got this part wrong. Or, there's some yummy extras on the DvD that will explain this and we haven't seen them yet. Whatever. Too late to fix it now, so we'll all just squint during this part and see if we can make Bella look voluptuous in a blue silk dress and Edward will just lean against a tree in jeans and an unbuttoned white oxford and marvel at her speed.

PS - Summit, since you fired Rachelle, maybe you could see your way to bring her back to teach RPatz how to run properly before you start shooting BD. That woman is a straight-up badass runner from every angle.

So that's it for my sobered up Monday. I'm on my way to buy turkey brining supplies and will then come home and chain myself to a fence post to keep from going to the theater before my scheduled 8:30 showing. Tomorrow (if YouTube will quit being a crotchblocker), I plan to Vlog about my favorite lines by each character, as well as the one line that made me wince. C'mon....you KNEW there had to be ONE. Twilight had it's "spider monkey" and New Moon has one too. Can you guess what it is?