Friday, November 20, 2009

Mama's New Moon Movie Review

No worries - it's spoiler free, I promise. You can trust a Cougar.

OK....what can I say? I'm exhausted and my fingers are not connecting with any part of my brain that is capable of logical thought process, so you'll just have to watch my review, because typing it out is not an option right now. Or maybe ever.

I am aware that I look like I've been ridden hard and put away wet...and well, that's pretty close to what happened. Essentially, Chris Weitz made sweet, sweet love to me for two hours and as you can see, I'm basking in the post-coital bliss.

So now, I bid you farewell so I can take a nap and dream of the hundreds of torturous ways I'd like to maim the annoying Uggs-wearing twit that sat behind me last night in the theater. You knew there had to be one, right? I totally called it.

See that fake-blonde head in the lower part of the picture? That's Uggs girl. She possesses the single most annoying voice on the planet and my only recommended treatment for her chronic diarrhea of the mouth is a full frontal lobotomy. Trust me, she'll never miss that part of her head.

But on a happier note, here's my friend Dana and I all stoked in front of the theater. We're excited about Avatar. Bahahahahaaaaaaa.

Or not.


  1. I still haven't seen the movie, and I totally appreciate your non spoiling review.
    I. CAN'T. WAIT.
    But I will.
    I've got a glorious girls day out planned with one of my BFFs on Sunday...SUNDAY!!!! I just can't make it happen before then!

  2. You bitches R.O.C.K.!!!!! Everything you said, I totally 100% agree with!!! I've seen it twice now...and on to number 3 tomorrow! =)

  3. LMFAO!! I had promised myself that watching your video review would be the first thing I did on the internet this morning. (I haven't even checked Twitarded *gasp* or my own blog yet!) I had to force myself to not get on the internet when I got home after the midnight showing because I knew I wouldn't have gotten any sleep. Kudos to the three of you for capturing the post-coital bliss on video, though!

    I was struck by how many of your likes were the same as the ones I included in my spoiler-free (lame-ass typed) review. I shouldn't have been, though, because I already knew I loved my fellow Illinois bitches ;)

    My one glaring omission? (Please don't ban me from following your site!!!) I forgot to mention (cringing) Billy Burke's performance. (I felt the virtual Bella wolf slap you just gave me, and I deserved it.) Someone asked me if I had cried during the movie, and I told them of course. When they asked at what part, I told them that what got me the most were the scenes between Bella and Charlie (online spoiler alerts had prepared me for a lot of other key scenes; so hope I have more willpower for Eclipse).

    I am getting ready to post a couple of pics on my blog of the people I went with to round 2 and round 3 of the movie and will have to include my apology to Billy and to you (hangs head in shame).

    I'm sorry that you had to experience the Uggs fan. I am still amazed that at all three showings I've been to (so far!) the fans were wound up at the beginning and then unbelievably quiet except for SQUEEING at appropriate parts.

    There was only one friend/co-worker who went to all three showings with me and as we were walking out to our cars, it was all we could do to not turn around and watch it one more time. My next plan to see it is on Tuesday with a friend. Not sure if I can wait that long, though!

    @TwiWeasel - You have my sympathy. Not until tomorrow? That's just so sad.

    @Twichotic - Way to contribute to the opening weekend record-breaking numbers :)


  4. Hey Mary- Great review- agree with you 100%- you should have screwed the no spoiler thing and just gone for it. Any true twihard would have been there at MN! Alright, I will give a few of them a break..... I am off to see it a 3rd time in 48 hours this afternoon! I have to say I thought it was even better the 2nd time!
    I am going to spend waaaaaay too much money seeing this at the theater. Should we start the "Chris Weitz needs to direct BD" movement??

    Sandy- twifans cruise

  5. Can't wait to see it! I can't even bring myself to watch/read all the reviews, as I know I'll just end up being in more pain than I am.

    Btw, Mama Cougar, I know exactly what it's like to want to tape someone's mouth (or rip their head off, whichever you prefer) in a theater. Ugh. This is the sole reason I hate movie premiers, but I'll definitely be going for the NM.

  6. Okay, Mary, I kept my promise.