Thursday, December 3, 2009

Twi-Acronyms 101: The Art of Twi-Tweeting

Well...hello there, you 27 28 people who read my randomness! Sorry I've been a little MIA; I've basking in the post-coital bliss of New Moonness and for the past three days, my brain was hijacked by two new fanfics rec'd by my tweeples @LolaShoes and @KStew411.

Have you ever read something so incredibly alluring that it's like words, phrases and fictional characters are feeding you champagne-dipped strawberries and then making sweet, passionate love to your gray matter? Someone? Anyone?

***crickets***

La Canzone Della Bella Cigna


You can come back and thank me later for that little literary love-nugget.

Conversely, have you ever had your heart heave lustily and your pantied-parts pucker painfully while delicious porn prose whispers naughty nothings into your ear?

Master of the Universe

I'll expect MORE than thanks for that one. I expect eternal, ceaseless devotion and outright fucking worship.

Enough of my diversionary sucking up. The real reason for this post besides shamless Fanfic pimping is to edumacate my little pride of cougars in the fine art of Twilight-related acronyms. So...everyone go grab a notepad and pen (JJ and Snarky...I see that neither of you have managed to find more than a red crayon and a Tide pen...WTF? We'll wait. And VitaminR? You can't write this shit on the paper towel you're using as a coaster under your beer can...go get some damn paper please.)

All set? Good. Let's do this.

For some odd reason, there are 103 people 109 inmates on Twitter who give a shit about what I have to say. It turns out we have a little TwiTweet family going on which is both amazingly dysfuctional and highly addictive.

What's funny is that unless you puss out and use TwitLonger, you only have 140 characters to work with. I'm somewhat of a Twitter purist. Only pussies who aren't smart enough to embrace brevity, but instead insist on violating the spirit of Twitter use Twitlonger. If you can't say it in 140 letters are less, you're a TwitFail in my book.

To this end, a very interesting collection of Twilight-based acronyms have been developed so that we can commuicate random, often convoluted thoughts via Twitter, while still sticking to our 140 character, "brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit" Twitter Law.

Here's where your pencils and paper come in handy.



#1) HWMNBL - He Who Must Not Be Laid. This refers to Edward Cullen and is a parody of "He Who Must Not Be Named" Voldemart moniker from the Harry Potter Series. Be careful using it! It ONLY refers to Edward Cullen, and NOT Robert Pattinson.

RPatz is referred to as TPO a.k.a. The Pretty One or TSO, The Sparkly One, or HWMBLR, He Who Must Be Laid Relentlessly. They are two entirely different and often oppositional beings, trust me.

#2) In the Twitiverse, there are a million ways to express suprise, anticipation, or incredulousness and they almost all start out with FM, or Fuck Me. Variations include FMR - Fuck Me Running, FMS - Fuck Me Sideways, FMaMWTS - Fuck Me a Million Ways to Sunday and FMUDiaCC - Fuck Me Upside Down in a Clown Car. See? The possibilities are endless for complete and utter fuckery of the English language. Leave your best FM's in my comments!

#3) Kristen Stewart is ripe for acronym assigment, but the most popular ones are TW - which stands for The Want (because of the constant "wanting" expression on her face), QoBA - The Queen of Badass and TLBIAKU - The Luckiest Bitch in Any Known Universe, which refers to the fact that she's boning HWMBFR.

And now...for the rapid fire portion of this lesson. Perhaps making use of cut-n-paste is a better option than the ole' paper-pencil method here:

#4) DHLtEB - Dry Hump Like the Energizer Bunny (as in MY GOD, his face makes me want to DH him LtEB.)

#5) SPCCBJ - Sweet Pink Chubby Cheeked Baby Jesus ( like SPCCBJ I saw that happy trail and wanted to DH TSO LtEB)

#6) BRB/BGB - Be Right Back/Boss Going Batshit

#7) IFHRL - I Fucking Hate Real Life (as in IFHRL, BRB/BGB 'cause he caught me reading MoTU)

and finally....

#8) HSDIRJTTOL? - Holy Shit, Did I Really Just Tweet that Out Loud? (example: @DanielCudmore tweeted "Packing for Florida" to which my fingers, in the absence of a proper Tweet filter, indiscriminately responded "Yes, Daniel...you are certainly packing. HSDIRJTTOL?"

Now...who among you is brave enough to follow me on Twitter? TAG - you're it! Come & find me, and hit me with your best Twinacronym!

@Mama_Cougar

16 comments:

  1. I've missed you mama.... I laugh my ass off at your fuckery! Thanks for posting this craziness!! I think my fave is HWMNBL! LMFAO!

    And PS ~ LOVE your new look on here!!!
    xoxoxoxoxo
    JoJo

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  2. FMS where's my fucking red crayon?! GAH!!

    LOL - I love this! I am a total dolt when it comes to Twitter and will definitely be using these... Thanks!!

    Oh and jftr I am NEVER without a fine-point, black clicky/retractable-tip Sharpie. You never know when you might need to write something permanent on yourself...

    http://bit.ly/UAc5u

    (Personally I wouldn't go for the inner wrist but that's just me.)

    : )

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  3. WTFHYBB? (as in Where The Fuck Have You Been Bitch?) I've missed this . . . missed you! Okay. I hope I can read my notes because I'm off try my hand at a Twi-Twitter . . .

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  4. TSISFF - as in That Shit is Seriously Fuckin' Funny!

    I've missed you too...RL sucks ballz. Why can't someone just pay me to stay home, read & blog all day?

    MC

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  5. Every night my husband comes in my office to see what's new with my blog, and every night he asks me the same thing, "Have you figured out how to make any money doing this?" If only!

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  6. @STY - Damn it! I just checked out the photo you posted the link to. I've been "this close" to getting 17 forever on the inside of my wrist. Maybe I should try it with a black clicky/retractable-tip Sharpie first to see if I like it ;)

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  7. Love the acros. And the re-vamp. I am your sheep. I just signed up for Twit-longer and am following you on twitter. {{hiding in the bushes}}. "I'll try to keep up" LOL
    Christine

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  8. LMFAO- here is a little fanfic Edward and Bella goodness for you that my husband has been oh, so thankful for- Happy, um, reading

    http://www.twilighted.net/viewstory.php?sid=2026

    TLBIAKU oh how true that is..

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  9. HAhahahahaha, Fuck Me Upside Down in a Clown Car? Now that I gotta start using on everyday basis. Mama Cougar, you're one brilliant motherfucker. :D You gotta update more often, your shit is so refreshing. As for Twitter, I rarely really go there, cause I don't got a blackberry or any such thingy, which is when Twitter really shines. It kinda loses its purpose if you have Twit and follow from your computer - for me at least.

    Now, I've decided to promote my fanfic, as you know, I ain't writing this just for myself, so I'm going to include the link in my posts (lika Lisa does with her blog). Even though I only have two chapters uploaded, they are long, I'm working on third, and I write fast. Hey, I had to pop my cherry on self promotion sometimes, and now is as good a time as any.

    The Canvas

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  10. @Jelena - I learned everything I know about Twi-Acronyms AND blog link signatures at the knee of Mama Cougar :)

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  11. Ok, Jelena, I went and did it. After much cocksing, I mean coaxing, I clicked on your link, registered a FFN account, read your chapter, and posted a review. My FFN cherry has officially been popped. I figured what could one little chapter do to me anyway. Damn it, Jelena! *fanning myself*

    So, Mama Cougar, I promise to read your ff recs and let you know if I'm still alive afterwards.

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  12. @sprtzmom - you have no idea how honoured I feel to be the one who popped your cherry. :D I will go read your review now. Hope you read both chapters, not just one, LoL. In any case, chapter 3 will be coming (no pun intended) soon. I've been writing all day.

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  13. @Jelena - Shit. There's another chapter? My husband's running the vacuum cleaner as I type this (he wants it done before the football games start), so RL is calling me. I will find my way back to chapter 2, though. Promise.

    Lisa
    17 Forever

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  14. @Jalena - Well FMSWtS girl! I went to FFN and favorited you and I promise I'll R & R you after the Illini game.

    I loves me the FanFic, but I also love college boys with nice asses wrapped in spandex and tackling the shit out of each other. Hence, the "Cougar" status.

    MIOSP. (<--Mama is one sick puppy.)

    MC

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  15. @Cougar Mama - thanks Mama, me likes one sick puppy, which probably means I'm one too. :D

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  16. Oh Cougar Mama how I have missed you! Real life has been kicking my Twi-lovin' ass. Thanks for the shout-out or should that be TFTSO? I have so much learning to do....I would like to channel Jenny Jerkface and add one, or two or three, to the glossary HWMMVQ (He Who Makes My Vagina Quiver) or HWMMVT (He Who Makes My Vagina Tremble) or HWMMTT (He Who Makes My Twat Tingle). Oh this would be a really fun drinking game now wouldn't it?

    The blog looks great BTW. Thanks for the fanfic reqs--my liste is never-ending. Oh and MIOSP for the win...love it! Mwah!

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