Tuesday, July 20, 2010

My very first fORksGY!

I am a fan of The Twilight Saga. I've read the books (4 times), seen the movies (10, 10 & 6 times), immersed myself in the fanfic. I have dogs named Riley & Bella and an entire room of my home dedicated to the glory that is Edward Cullen.

I've thrown DvD Release parties, made You Tube videos, and started this blog. It's a safe bet that the Batshit Crazy Train rolled through my life, and I hopped on, got comfy and ordered drinks from the club car. It was all nice and safe until....

Before I knew it, the train's conductors,

Snarkier Than You


Jenny Jerkface

blew the whistle and shouted
And it was decision time.

Shit, or get off the pot. Take a leap of faith. Run with the big dogs or tuck balls and sit on the porch. Haul ass off the train or buckle up for the ride.

So, when my bloggy besties VitaminR70 & 17ForeverLisa started a campaign to keep me on the train, it took about 1.77245 seconds for me to decide that like Bella, I simply had to go.

Where's the final destination, you ask?

I am going to Forks. I am going to Freaking Forks. I am going to Forks, Washington. THE Forks, Washington.

I am making a pilgrimage to the MarthaFarking Promised Land.

Me, and 70 or so of the craziest TwiTard faithfuls in the known universe.

From September 30th to October 3rd, 2010, Forks, Washington will host a Twi-Revival the likes of which has never before been witnessed.

We will sing Jimmy Buffet hymns.

We will pray that we don't get arrested.

We will cleanse ourselves of sin in the hot tub baptismal font.

We will drink tequila wine from the communal cup.

We will worship the procelain Gods

We will learn the Twilight Ten Commandments.

Some of us might even be inspired to swap speak in tongues.

My heart is open wide.
My soul is eager for enlightenment.
My spirit is ready to soar.  

My liver is ready to filter.




  1. THAT IS AWESOME!!!! I AM SOOOO HAPPY!! I can't wait to meet you and give you that hug!! Welcome aboard the crazy train!!

  2. Oh DUDE. This is going to be fucking insane. Are we insane? We are insane. I'm gonna just go with it. Yup. Cannot wait!

  3. I am uber jealous... I will go cry into a beer or two or twenty. Have lotsa fun in FOOOOORKS!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. lmfao!! i am SO glad you are coming!! it woudn't be a twitarded bash without ya'! i thank goodness for that loud-ass tractor your neighbor has that make me crack up the first time i saw a video of yours on youtube! eeeeverything happens for a reason... (er but btw we are only there for the one weekend - we're leaving on the red-eye sunday 10/3...

    : )

  5. So. Fucken. Jealous. Right. Now.

  6. Yeah STY, I had major synaptic flatulence. Fixed it. I'm goin' home 10/3 too. ;-)

    FUCK ME RUNNING, I am mortified that you remember that vid of my fucking crazy-ass blunt-toking neighbor on his jalopy of a riding mower. Jesus....must remember to delete that shit.


  7. Fucking-A-Awesome!! I follow you on Twitter and I'm a huge fan of your bitchy sniping, especially your #absurdcoworker updates. I can't wait to meet you in FFOOORKKSSS!!

  8. Now, more than ever, I am steaming with jealousy that I can't make it to Forks. It's going to be epic. All of you, AND Mama Cougar in one place? JFC!



  9. So jealous, but doing a happy dance for you! I cannot wait to see pics of this f-ing EPIC event!!!!!

  10. gah, i'm so jealous. enjoy yourselves...

  11. Wooooooofreakinhoooooooo!!!!! It is nice to know that the cool kids can so easily influence you! Heh-heh. Now I feel extra special lucky that when we meet in Seattle in a couple of weeks we can brainstorm fun crazy shit for FFFFOOOOORRRRKKKKSSSS!!!!!! Oh you and you gave me a great t-shirt idea. I really need to learn graphic design...so many ideas, so little skill.

    P.S. If anyone had any doubts about the likelihood of us getting arrested...well you can put them to rest...Pokey in Forks 2010!!!

  12. FOOOORKS!!!! I'll make sure Lisa doesn't record you again...or you could help me record her. Whatever floats your boat. I'm easy. Yeah...I just said that.
    Meet me in Seattle...

    Mrs. P

  13. Why does, "Careful what you wish for" keep floating through my head. LOLOL!! Don't listen to that Mrs. P person. She's the debil.

    I'm still smiling and it's been almost a whole freaking week since you told me the news. It's not just going to be epic, it's going to change lives. *gulp*

    @VitaminR - Pokey in Forks 2010...LMAO!

  14. Epic? For sure!

    Change lives? Abso-freakin-lutely!

    We will NEVER be the same after this weekend of debauchery in Forks!

    I'm a little bit scared, but I can't wait!

  15. OH MY HOLY HELL! You're coming?! I think I got a cramp from smiling so big! This list I have going of "Bad Ass TwiTwats I Can't Wait To Meet & Drink With in FOOOORRRKKKSSSS!!!" is getting motherfucking AWESOME.

    Can't wait to meet your fine ass, Mama!

  16. @Mrs.P - I'm all about revenge. Let's take this discussion offline and develop our plan to catch @17ForeverLisa in the bathtub with her Details magazine.

    @17ForeverLisa - DO NOT READ ABOVE COMMENT.

    @TheRugbyMom & Lindsey Rae - VERY excited to meet all of you as well! I need to choose someone to be my tequila accountability person. Volunteers anyone?


  17. Umm . . . Exactly what does being a "tequila accountability person" involve?

    I'm thinking if I have an official job/responsibility maybe I won't feel like such a freak about making this trip! You know - I could tell people I HAD to go because others were depending on me to do X,Y,Z.

  18. It is most definitely on!! Can't wait to meet you and the rest of the Twitarded h00rs!!

  19. I just had to come back and re-read this. I think I read it right before I bought my 1 way ticket to Forks. I kid. I leave on the 3rd too. LMAO! FOOOOOOOORKS!

    PS...are you a hugger like Lisa? If so, we'll get along grand.

    w/v "Porret" You can porret down my throat bitches.

    xo J